As if you didn't already know that Brady Quinn is awful, here are the top five reasons why I think he's a tool:
1. He is second cousins with Brad from Home Improvement (Zachary Ty Bryan). Honestly, does anyone like Brad? Mark was probably the least likeable of the three brothers just because his entire role was based on sympathy, except for that short period of time when he turned goth, but Brad was definitely a tool. Brady Quinn exerts many of the same qualities as Brad Taylor: stupid hair, unwarranted cockiness, and also they both seem underachieve with the ladies. Did Brad ever bring home a hot chick on that show? Nope- a few that were decent, but the star of the soccer team should be doing way better. I don’t even need to mention Brady Quinn’s girlfriend that we had to see for 8 straight hours on the day that Quinn was drafted. You could do better Brady, if you weren’t a tool.
2. Myoplex Commercials- probably the most annoying line ever “Now I’m Done!” Do I really need to say anything else about this? A commercial that was tailor made for, and by, tools.
3. He is a Terrible NFL Quarterback: career stats- 52% completion, 3 TDs, 7 picks, QB rating of 58. He can’t beat out Derek Anderson (who is completing only 42% of his passes for 2 TDs and 9 picks this yer) for the starting job on a consistent basis. His team never won anything impressive during college and he certainly won’t win anything during his professional career with numbers like that. Maybe spend less time on making awful commercials and more time working on your game. Also, spend less time doing things like this:
4. The Taunting Incident at a Cleveland Gay Bar: Politics aside, this just wreaks of being a tool. If you don’t like a particular group of people, just stay away from them. Don’t show up at a bar where you know they will be and start taking out your frustration about being a terrible quarterback out them. That’s what the practice squad is for. Sorry, that’s what the practice squad should be for, but you are so bad that you probably eve make them look good.
5. The Chop Block on Terrell Suggs: Dear Brady Quinn, I know your team is 1-8 and you’ve scored less touchdowns than the Baltimore Ravens defense. I understand that you drink your Myoplex and you’re so jacked up during a game that you want to hit someone, which you typically have plenty of chances to do since you throw so many interceptions. But you can’t dive at people’s knees like a little punk! Especially when the NFL goes to extreme lengths to protect quarterbacks, a guy like Quinn better be very careful when trying to deliver a hit on an opponent. What does he do? He dives for the knees and delivers a dirty chop block. Congratulations on injuring Terrell Suggs and most likely ending his season, along with any hope the Ravens had of making the playoffs. Your tool-ness has become full circle.
Brad Taylor would be proud.
2 comments:
Um, how are you attacking Brad Taylor? The kid had scholarship offers to play soccer anywhere, and he did bring home hot girls. Remember when he was like 12 and co-hosted Tool Time? Puh! What were you doing at 12? Not co-hosting shows...
What were you doing at twelve Vince? I know what I was doing, it was 1997 and I was watching Michigan's last successful season as a football program.
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