Should-Be New Year's Resolutions

Every January 1^st we celebrate the arrival of a new year, and occasionally we mark a new decade or century. But we always tend to view this calendar date as a chance for a new beginning, a chance to right the wrongs in our life and take measures to improve in areas of need. With that in mind, I decided to share some SHOULD BE New Year’s Resolutions that probably haven’t been declared.

Paparazzi: Stop making celebrities out of irrelevant, stupid people.

I do my best to avoid it, yet I can’t escape the stories about Spencer and Heidi, Kate Gosselin, Paris Hilton, and whatever other bootleg celebrities that the media tries to shove down my throat. I admit that Jersey Shore has become a guilty pleasure of mine, but it is obviously best off if I never see any of those people outside of the show, ever. Seriously, six months from now I don’t want to read about who Snooki made a sex tape with. There is enough dirt to dig up on the real celebrities, athletes and politicians without having to create these embarrassing figures to represent my generation. I can’t wait until my kids are browsing ancient news stories on the internet and ask “Daddy, who is J-Woww”…… Go ask your mother.

Sports in General: give the underdog a chance (or at least stop letting evil teams win)

2009 was an atrocious year for sports, as pertaining to its champions. Out of my favorite sports, evil prevailed in every form. The NBA was won by the Lakers, World Series won by the Yankees, Superbowl won by the Steelers and the BCS Championship (for the 2009 regular season) was won by the Alabama Crimson Elephants. It would be extremely hard for there to be a worse possible outcome as far as my allegiances go. The Lakers, Yankees and Steelers are three of the worst possible examples of bandwagon supporters, the type of supporters who are so obnoxious and in-your-face about their allegiance even though they have zero affiliation with the respective cities of their favorite professional franchises.

(**Warning: I didn’t intend on this happening when I started writing, but a mini rant about Alabama just sort of happened, you’ve been warned**) And then there is the University of Alabama who proudly displayed their national championship trophy for the fans at Wal-Mart. No, I’m not joking. I really wish I was joking, but that actually happened. Can you name another team, in any sport, which would have done this? I can’t. Beyond being a heated rival (and accused cheater, currently on downscaled probation for a text book scandal), Alabama’s relentless arrogance is finally starting to get noticed by the general public. The school claims that this was their 13^th national championship (as evidenced by an abundance of t-shirts and banners which previously read “GOT 12?”). The fan base is so delusional that it tricked itself into believing that this year marked their 13^th title until ESPN and countless other media outlets broke the news that this was in fact their 7^th national championship. Seven National Titles is an accomplishment that should be celebrated, but instead it is undermined by the illusion of 13, making the truth seem less impressive. What a shame. But I digress…..

What ever happened to the days when the underdogs had a chance to win? The Devil Rays in the World Series, the Warriors upsetting the Mavericks in the playoffs, an NFL team who rarely makes the playoffs surging to a Superbowl appearance? Perhaps 2010 has some treats in store for us. Perhaps Rex Ryan’s Jets will be the underdog we’ve been waiting to see make a rare appearance in a championship game. Maybe there will be a new “Devil Rays” underdog story in baseball this year. Let’s make it happen!

American Public: Stop being so sensitive and divisive on pertinent issues

Sorry to go political here; I just feel like someone needs to say it.

We need to learn to approach things from a logical standpoint instead of a predetermined position. Party lines and ideologies are obviously not the solution to solving the most pressing issues in our country- so let’s put away your donkeys and elephants and take out your thinking caps. Instead of pointing fingers in blame, lead in a direction of progress.

We are facing a modern day civil war between democrats and republicans. Instead of human lives, the casualties we are suffering have come in the form of jobs, money and overall economic regression. We’re fighting enough wars overseas; can we please end the war at home and figure out a way to work together to fix our problems? End of rant.

Speaking of the American public….

Public Restrooms: Strive to be more cleanly

I don’t think I have to say much about this one. We’re all on the same page, right? Can we put an end to disgusting public restrooms somehow? I don’t have the answer to this problem; I just know that it needs to be solved.

Charlie Weis and Mark Mangino: lose some weight

(And by some, I mean a few hundred for these two).

This one is probably a resolution for 75% of America, but these are your poster boys. If you need motivation to help follow through with your goal of losing weight, simply google images of Mark Mangino (this one is my favorite:

You’ll be hitting the treadmill in no time. I hope you follow through it and don’t end up looking like this:

Marc: Start writing more (but not about politics)

‘Nuff said. Happy 2010!